March is a bittersweet month for me. The extreme highlight is that my baby girl was born in March - she is by far and away the light in our lives, there is so much that you don't get to feel until you have a baby. It was the first time that I really understood what love at first sight was. Speaking of love at first sight...it is also Ryan and my 10 YEAR! dating anniversary - there will be a post ALL about that later :)
The touch of sadness in the month is that it is also my mom's birthday month. My mom's birthday is the 22nd and Naomi's birthday is the 24th. I was due on the 16th and when that day came and went (and went, and went, and went) I was sure that there was some divine plan that was holding out for me to have my baby on my mom's birthday. But Naomi, in a fashion that seems to be her norm, made her own way and stayed in utero until she was good and ready on the 24th...with a little medical assistance that is. So in celebration of two of the most important and life changing women in my life I am writing this post. In a way I am glad that Naomi held out to have her own day and allow us to celebrate mom in her own way too.
There are a lot of things that I miss dearly about my mom. This week she would have been celebrating her 63rd birthday and it's hard to think back on all of the things she has missed out on in our family in the past 5 1/2 years but it is a blessing to look back on all of the great memories...
Mom was always great at making things that were work into fun without us realize that we were doing chores...when we were bailing hay in the summer - something that is completely unavoidable in a farm family - she would make unloading the wagons into a game of who can pull apart the puzzle of bales without things falling. When we brought the bale up to her to put it on the elevator she would say the name of a state and we would have to say the capital - it made the time pass and kept our minds off of the actual work that we were doing. She also made the absolute best homemade bread, I can remember so clearly her kneading and kneading and kneading the bread on the kitchen counter and she would tear off a little piece and let me knead my own mini loaf of bread. She was always baking and cooking and I think that my love of cooking is rooted deeply in those memories. Evidently my inherited love language is food. If I cook for you I must love you :)
She was also the best listener in the world, she would let you vent, whine, grumble, etc. all you needed to and then would have the best suggestions. She would never tell you what you had to do, just make suggestions of different solutions and would let you decide what would be best. We all got to make informed decisions and have a certain level of trial and error growing up and she NEVER was an "I told you so" kind of mom. She taught us to make our own decisions and live with the results.
Mom was silly. She would do things that would just downright make you laugh out loud without her realizing she was being funny...during my teen years I would definitely have called it embarrassing but what I wouldn't give to see her dance around her kitchen or sing out loud to Maggie Mae by Rod Stewart.
She LOVED her family. There was never a time in my childhood that I didn't feel like I had 100% love from my parents. I was a bit of a brat (a lot of a brat if you ask my siblings but they can get their own blog if they want to talk about that - ha ha) and my mom just took the tantrums and attitude in stride, she wasn't afraid to tell me when I was being too much but she also I think really realized how much of the attitude was normal teenage angst.
When mom gave you hugs she always patted you on the back, for some reason I thought this was annoying and would get mad at her for patting me on the back...dumb, right? Well, guess now who does the patting? BOTH Naomi and I! It is so sweet to feel Naomi's little hand patting me on the back, it literally makes me tear up every time because it makes me think of mom hugs. Kind of like incorporating the full circle of life, my mom and my daughter having similar traits, for anyone who does not have their mom with them any longer there is nothing more touching then when you see a bit of your mom in your daughter. What I wouldn't give to feel that hug from mom again, wrapped up and knowing that everything was always going to be alright.
Growing up, my grandma and mom were the best of friends, to the point of being really annoying in a kids perspective :) ha ha. My mom would talk to her mom at least once (most days 2 or 3 times) a day and we did the weekly grocery shopping with grandma. I guess I fully expected that one day I would grow up and get the chance to be best friends with my mom too. Unfortunately that is not how things panned out but I do have so many wonderful women in my life that have helped me grow into the person I am today. I have been blessed with so many strong and wonderful influences it makes me realize while I may be missing a big influence in my life I have a great support system that teaches me to adapt and grow every day.
There are so many traits that I hope to carry on from my mom with Naomi, the making everyday things fun, the support, love and care that she always made each of us and our friends feel. Our home was always open to anyone who needed a place to stay or a someone to listen and care.
I keep a framed picture of my mom on my dresser and Naomi takes it down from time to time, one day she took it off my dresser (I was already at work) and was talking to the picture of my mom, Ryan - being the sweet man he is - told Naomi that that was her grandma in heaven and that she watches over us. Naomi just kept chattering away to her.
I think it is an extremely important thing to let Naomi know about who was in our lives in the past with keeping a good balance of savoring who is here with us now and looking forward to who we will meet in our future. Appreciate every moment you have because they are all precious, it is true that you will be given challenges in life but try to rise above it and value the many blessings that God has presented in your lives.
To my mom, I love you and miss you more that I have words to express. To my daughter, I love you more than I thought my heart could feel and I look forward to many adventures with you. To all of the other amazing women in my life, thank you for being a part of the journey and much love to you all.
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