Happy Birthday Tammie!

Alright, this will be the last of the family birthday posts for awhile...although my dear sweet Tessa is turning 16 this weekend I am not yet branching out to niece and nephew posts...just yet...

So, on to the subject at hand...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMMIE!!!

 

 

Tammie is the first born of the family, I would bet that she had a wonderful first few years of life, enjoying being the center of the family until Karrie came along a few years later and 13 months after that the twins and finally a few more years later the baby.

My first memory of Tammie from growing up is that I L.O.V.E.D. her.  She was the best person in the world to me for a long, long time.  While her friends were still playing with baby dolls Tammie had a real baby to play with at home.  Tammie and I shared a room growing up and in the mornings before school if I woke up and Tammie wasn't in the room with me I would just sit and yell and yell and yell for her.  Awesome right?  Not so much for her I'm sure.  Tammie took really good care of me and I just wanted to always start my day with her.  I also remember the smell of Aqua Net, acid wash jeans and tight rolling...it was after all the late 80's.

A huge change in our lives happened when Tammie started dating Lance, she was so in love and I hated every minute of it.  I hated that she spent so much time on the phone with him instead of playing with me.  I am certain that Lance was nice to me, I can't remember much aside from being so mad that someone was taking my sister away that I couldn't see past that.  It took awhile for me to like Lance - he is and was a nice guy I just couldn't stand that Tammie wasn't focusing on me.  The dreaded day happened that Tammie turned 18 and shortly after moved out of my parents house into an apartment with Lance.  Worst day ever.  I was so upset.  Later Tammie would take me for play days and I slowly adjusted.  I was around 7 - 8 when this was all going on.

Tammie and Lance decided to move to Kenosha in the mid 90's, right when they were leaving was when Tammie was preggo with Tessa.  I was so heartbroken and sad that that they were moving away.  Tammie got 2 notebooks and she would write in her notebook and I would write in mine, just what was going on in our day to day lives and such and then when Tammie and Lance would come home for a visit we would swap notebooks.  It was such a great idea.  I wonder where those notebooks ended up?  I am certain that there would be some highly embarrassing crush confessions in there - haha.  We went down to visit them a few times, once with Mom and Karrie and once by myself.  We went to the beach and the 2nd biggest mall and outlet stores.  It was fun.  My first ever "big" shopping trip was with Tammie and mom, it was the 1st time I went to Wausau for crimoney sakes and it was a big deal.  Super funny.  The week that I got to spend down there on my own was great, I got to have little baby Tessa all to myself.  We would snuggle on the couch and watch Scooby Doo and she was just the sweetest little peanut.

Finally, the day had come for Tam and Lance to move home - it was so great.  Even better they were living just down the road from my parents house.  It was awesome, we all got to see them all the time and get to know Tessa so well.  I got to babysit for Tessa and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.  Soon, some other very exciting news came along that Tammie was pregnant again.  This time around I was 15 and had been babysitting for Tessa awhile and was just so excited for this new little baby girl.  The day that Tammie had Brooke I was in the car in drivers ed and could. not. wait. to go meet this new little piece of our hearts.  She is and was such a little doll with these HUGE eyes.  I loved getting to spend time with Tammie and her girls; we spent a lot of afternoons decorating cookies, doing crafts and just enjoying all things girlie.  First and foremost Tammie is an amazing mom, she loves her girls more than anything in this world and would do anything to keep them safe and happy.  I have learned a lot about how to be a good mom by watching Tammie with her girls.

Nowadays we are all busy with our own lives but we still make time to catch up from time to time and it is always funny.  Getting to know Tessa and Brooke and watching Tammie's family develop and grow has been such a huge blessing and gift to our whole family.

 

Tammie, thank you for all of the life lessons and the cherished times we've spent together.  You know that you have always been like another mom to me and for that I am eternally grateful.  I wish you only the best on your birthday and many blessings. 

Much love,
Mindy Jo

Twin Turkey Day - Happy Birthday Monte and Marsha!

The number of fall birthdays in our family is kind of crazy, there is even a “two for one” birthday for Monte and Marsha.

Some of my first and most fond memories from growing up are playing with my siblings, running around the farm on adventures, playing softball in the yard.  Inevitably Monte would hit the softball into the milkhouse window and break the window.  We all took turns “fessing” up to breaking it to Dad.  I am pretty sure he knew that it was Monte, not his little sister that broke the window but it helped to lessen the lecture.  I can also remember Monte playing basketball in the yard forever.  He would just shoot, dribble, shoot.  Sometimes he would let me play horse with him too.  When he and his friends would be playing football I was out there with them, chasing them all around as if I could really catch them. 

 

I really wanted to be like Dad and Monte and go hunting.  Well, at least I thought I did.  What I really wanted to do was to go sit in the tree stand and wait for the deer to come in…however, Dad said that I was a bit too much of a chatter box for that, I would probably have scared all of the deer away!  So, my solution was to “sit” in the trees around the yard.  And I would get stuck.  I would climb too high and get scared to climb down so I would sit and wait until Dad and Monte got back from working in the woods or the fields and as soon as I would see Monte I would holler for hime to come and get me down.  It must have been countless times that he came to my rescue, every time telling me to knock it off and how I could have gotten hurt.  I lumped Monte into the same category as Dad, fearless and capable of conquering the world.   

All posts seem to come to a point where mom gets involved and this is no different, I think a lot of why everything is relative to her is because she was the total matriarch, the glue that held our family together and going through everything that we went through with her brought out so much of everyone’s character to the surface.  It pinpointed our strengths and vulnerable points.  So, on that note, for our family this will not come as a surprise but Monte, when he was little, we very shy and would cling to mom.  I know that he held a very special place in her heart because he was her only little boy.  Growing up, I had a hard time not being jealous that Monte had “special rules”, like he could eat Lucky Charms for breakfast AND supper if he wanted – none of the girls could get away with that.  Silly little things, but they were special none the less.  The big picture of what I wasn’t seeing was how many sacrifices of his time he was giving because of being the only boy in a farming family.

Later, in our teen years Monte was the brother keeping watch at the party giving boys the evil eye if they talked to me.  Ugh…I would get so annoyed!!  But he was the classic text book big brother – the protector.  The role of Dad fits really well with him. I remember when Tessa was a baby – the first niece/nephew in our lives, when Tammie would come home to visit Monte would stay up with Tessa and rock her so Tammie could get a few extra minutes of sleep.  For as strong as he always is he have a very compassionate side.  He loves fiercely with all of his heart.  Seeing him with his boys and how much they adore him just makes you smile.

In the mornings before school, frequently Monte and I would be at the kitchen table eating breakfast.  Mom and Dad would be in the barn, Karrie would be upstairs getting ready…we would look at the clock…it was almost time.  At 7:20 AM in our house from the years of 1993-1995, Monday through Friday, without fail a war would break out.  Marsha’s alarm clock would go off – to which she would say, “5 more minutes” and then she and Karrie would start the daily fight of who was taking up too much space in their room, who wore who’s clothes, whose turn it was to use the curling iron.  Some days it would be minimal just a few raised voices, sometimes a few yelps of Ow!  But, on the rare occasion it would get really bad we would run out and get Dad and he would go upstairs and break up the fights.  It was such huge amusement for Monte and I.  The really funny thing, is that even though they literally fought like cats and dogs every day, they spent time together with friends, worked at the same restaurant.

On to Marsha…my oh my where do I start?  I so very much wanted Marsha to like me when we were little, I followed her and her friends around and would never leave her alone.  Marsha, Karrie and I would play “soap opera” The Bold and the Beautiful for hours and I of course was told to be whomever was the least cool of the characters.  We would play for hours in the hay mow, building forts and searching out kittens. 

When I was in junior high and Marsha was in high school, I would “borrow” Marsha’s clothes ALL the time.  But she always had a ride home from a friend or boyfriend from school and I would ride the bus.  Frequently, I would get home before her and rush to her room to put her clothes back where I found them so that she wouldn’t find out that I had worn them.  Mom knew I was doing it and would just warn me not to get caught.  Super funny now, most likely for me more than Marsha I think, but now we are much better at sharing clothes.

It came to that magical time when I got an after school/weekend job and where else but to the same restaurant that Marsha and Karrie worked at.  Karrie wasn't working there very much at that time but Marsha was the broiler cook and I was the dishwasher.  For those of you unfamiliar with the pecking order of working at a restaurant the broiler cook is pretty much the president of kitchen and the dishwasher is the unpaid intern.  It was really fun working with Marsha actually, she wasn't too hard on me.  We eventually became close friends as well as sisters, sharing friends.  Marsha took me to my very first concert, Dave Matthews Band.  For my close friends, you all know this was the start of a very long obsession with Dave.  You can blame Marsha.

Marsha eventually outgrew our little town and spread her wings to move to Eau Claire.  I missed her SO much.  We racked up quite the long distance calling bill the first few months she was there - Dad had a bit of a stern talk with me that I couldn't call her to chat as much as we used to.  I would get to go and visit Marsha and stay at her apartment in Eau Claire - I felt so cool.  When it was my turn to pick where I was going after high school I followed Marsha to Eau Claire - literally into the apartment that she lived in the year prior.  Marsha was 100% my life preserver while I lived in Eau Claire - she made sure I knew how to protect myself, took me out for a nice meal once a week to make sure I was actually eating vegetables and invited me over to her apartment all the time.

Fast forward a few years, I am back in Medford now and Marsha is still in Eau Claire and we start the new tradition of singing each other obnoxious songs on the other's answering machines in the wee hours of the morning after going out.  My go-to standard was Gloria Gaynor and Marsha's was Cher.  I can still remember waking up on Sunday mornings and getting excited to hear what kind of crazy message she left.  It was a really fun time in our sisterhood/friendship.

I got to be there to see the start of Marsha and Kris's relationship, it was so sweet and wonderful to see Marsha so happy and that she had found her partner.  We got married the same year, Marsha and Kris in an amazing destination wedding that took place in Tybee Island, Georgia that resulted in one of the most memorable family vacations of our lives.  Between haunted pub crawls, playing on the beach, singing karaoke and showing GA how WI does dollar beer night, it was all so much fun.

 

Marsha has always been a constant source of support, laughter and love in my adult life.  I think we have helped each other through a lot of the heartache of losing mom.  Marsha later suffered a tremendous and life shattering loss of her baby Jacob.  It was a time in her life that was very dark and I was so scared for her and hoped that there would be someway that I could bring some light to her life.  She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for.  She recovered physically from the loss, I don't think anyone ever can recover emotionally. 

The next HUGE chapter in Marsha's life was the twins, their entrance into this crazy world was not without incident and I learned A LOT about babies in a very short time.  I loved watching Marsha come into her own as a new mommy, getting into the routine of every day.  When we were blessed with our miracle of Naomi, Marsha was so happy for us it was amazing. 

It has been such a huge blessing to have Reese, Sam and Naomi grow up together.  It makes my heart sing to see them all together.  I love the moments as they are now but I am also looking forward to seeing who these wonderful little people become.

To both Monte and Marsha - I wish you a wonderful birthday and many great things to come in the following year.  I cannot imagine my life without having both of you being such huge parts of it.  Monte, we don't get to see each other as much as we would like but you are an amazing father and I love you very much.  Marsha, I cannot begin to fathom what I would do without you.  You are so much more than you give yourself credit for, thank you for being not only a great sister but my best friend.

Much love,

Mindy Jo

The post that I wasn't so sure about...writing in the raw

I have been going back and forth in my head for days, weeks actually trying to decide how and/or if to write this post...I don't want it to be misinterpreted as a post to incite pity or sympathy but sometimes it's hard to write about anything aside from the giant magenta elephant in the room...so set up the circus tent because here comes the elephant.

Thursday, November 15th is the SIX year marker of mom passing away.

Six years.  My oh my what a different world this has become in six years.  It is so hard not to stew on the things that she has missed out on.  Six new grand-babies, new homes, new partners, new everything.

I'm just going to put this out there.  I. Miss. Her.  Every single day.  Seems like a pretty obvious statement but the intensity of the feelings still surprise me.  It's not that I thought it would be easy or that I wouldn't think of her but there are times that I physically ache for her.  And not just on the days that I am sick, because who DOESN'T want their mom when they are sick?

There have been so many changes in our family's lives, the dynamic, everything.  I think that the changes have been for the better, we are all much stronger people than we gave ourselves credit for.  We still get together as as family for the important events, that was a HUGE to do on Mom's list of things to do when I am gone.  This journey has not been a solo journey by any means, for any of us, in addition to my family I have had a huge support system of remarkable people who have uplifted me when I needed it.

I want to talk about mom's last days, and not because anyone wants or needs to hear it but because I need to get through the story of it.  I can't remember exactly when the date was or how many days prior to her passing that she actually went into the hospice room but I remember so much from that room.  I remember her hating it there, wanting to have a cigarette, trying to bribe me into breaking her out of there with a promise of a shopping trip with her and Marsha.  I can remember being afraid of leaving the room because I just didn't want to let her go.  I didn't want to miss any last moments that I could have with her because it would never and will never feel like it was enough.  When she was in a good moment we would talk about flowers (every kind was her favorite), we started reading bible passages but honestly it felt awkward and forced so we would just sit quietly and hold hands.  She would ask me if I was okay and I would tell her the truth sometimes, that NO, I am not okay.  I am scared and I am going to miss you so much and how do I become a grown up without you?

She had her days and nights mixed up, so I would spend a lot of the day sitting and watching her sleeping.  Watching her chest rise and fall, hoping and praying that I would not be there to see it fall down and stay down.  Towards the last day I just starting praying for her to have peace.  I spent a lot of time drawing pictures of butterflies and flowers and sticking them on the walls of her room to decorate it.  My niece Brooke also drew a lot of pictures, normally her version of what I had drawn, it was so incredibly sweet.

The last couple of days were so incredibly hard, when she not only was physically slipping away but her memory was going too.  At one point she said she didn't want me to stay overnight anymore, she was worried about me not going to work or of my new marriage suffering because of the time I was spending with her.  So being the stubborn girl I was, I didn't stay IN her room on the couch anymore, I slept outside her room in the family waiting area.

She died on a Wednesday night, her brother Bob had just come up from Alabama, I was out at my parents house with Marsha and Ryan and we got the call.  The immediate feeling wasn't sorry or grief, it was relief.  Relief that she didn't have to struggle anymore, that she didn't have to slip between being the amazing woman that I knew as my mom and the fragile shell that was there with us.  She HATED when people used the saying that someone "lost" their battle with cancer.  I remember that really vividly.  We all went to the hospital with the Reverend from the church that was next to my parents house to say our good byes and a final prayer as a family.  All of this seemed so surreal, to be going through this process when the person we were talking about and praying for was my mom.  I always looked to her as a guide on how to respond to things, what to do and she was no longer there.  The void was immediate.  Even when she was sick she was still guiding us on what to do, send a card to this person, here is the dill pickle canning recipe, etc.

I honestly don't remember much of the following days, they are so busy and I think that your mind protects you from remembering some of it.  I know we made picture boards and all of the normal plans and activities that one does.  On the day of her wake there were so many people there, it was a great outpouring of support for the family.  At the end of the visitation I just sat down on one of the couches and just started crying, it all just felt like too much.  My sister Tammie came over and just let me cry it out.  The day of the actual funeral truly is a blur.  I cannot remember any of the prayers but I do remember that Marsha wrote a really sweet note that the Reverend read, it definitely cast some humor and light on the heavy time.  After the service and luncheon my three best friends from high school and I spent the day together, sharing funny stories of how mom had impacted all of their lives.  She was such a positive role model and source of support to reaches far beyond our immediate family.

The following weeks were rough for our family as we were trying to figure out our places and footing in this new family dynamic. But we've made it through.  We've all found our new normals, how to live, breathe and embrace.  And you know what?  I think mom would be proud.

The lessons that Mom instilled in all of us are still here, to be strong, to be independent, to live every day to the fullest, to give 100%.  Family comes first and foremost, most times the small things ARE the best things, cherish the quiet moments.  I hope that for those who read this, can think back on a memory of Mom, a smile she shared, time she spent, the loving spirit she was.  This week presents challenges, a heavy heart and probably more than a few tears, but I know she is watching over all us, guiding us on this crazy journey and I am forever grateful for a mother who taught me to love with all of my heart, to make mistakes, to be proud of the person I am.

In honor of Mom, please hug someone you care about, tell them how much you love them and embrace your blessings, don't forget how important everyday is.

Peace and blessings.

Just a quick post...

Just wanted, needed to write one quick little post...

We definitely have a little girlie on our hands...she leaves little traces of herself all around the house, a couple of dollies here, a hot pink slipper there, hair bows and nail polish....Ahh...bliss! 

I want to take a moment to breathe, just to absorb what all these little moments feel like.  It feels like perfection, like when you are a little girl and you see into your future of what your life will look like and this is just about it at this moment.  Just very in love with my little family at the moment.  Not to say that tomorrow as I try to get Naomi out the door and coordinate our crazy Thursday schedule with Ryan that I won't get annoyed and slurp down an extra cup of coffee but right now, at this moment I am just going to be happy. 

I literally just snuck into Naomi's room to check on her, and I swear she looks like my mom sometimes when she sleeps.  Not only because my mom is on the forefront of my mind right now but because she does and I love that.   There may or may not be a post soon about my mom, it's been lurking in my mind, my heart and my blogger drafts but I am not sure how much I want to post, how vulnerable I want to be about something that touches the deepest recesses of my heart.  We shall see and what will be will be.

Whatever the world may bring on tomorrow, with crazy politics, scary stories in the 6:00 PM news or the most recent heart wretching moment that makes you count your blessings or thank the good Lord, do it, thank God for all of the wonderful people and things in your life because it just feels good.  Much love and many blessings.